It is not a secret for anyone that the greatest confidence in all spheres of life is caused by a person who is confident in himself and his strengths, and it does not matter what gender he belongs to - strong or beautiful. But today let's talk about a man.
Can he become one who always knows what he wants from life, and also, under any circumstances, brilliantly solve the most difficult problems, remaining in the spotlight? Naturally, this is possible, you just need to know how to develop the necessary qualities and increase self-esteem.
The list of qualities of a truly confident man: there is something to strive for
Before starting to work on yourself, it is important to understand what qualities a representative of the stronger sex should have, who does not show off, but literally radiates confidence, about which everyone is vying with each other: he knows how to communicate with women, he is one continuous charisma, etc.To do this, you need to be:
- kind: do not position yourself above others, do not avoid responsibility, but contain leadership qualities, combined with sincere sympathy and warmth. With a man who, at first glance, combines the incompatible - strength and compassion - you want to stay close at all times.
- Standing firmly on their feet, persistent and patient: becoming successful and self-confident does not mean achieving some kind of champion sports achievements or becoming a millionaire. This means understanding your goal and moving towards it slowly but realistically.
- an ambitious dreamer and a humble realist all rolled into one. To become such a man is an opportunity to realize your ambitions to the maximum, without stopping to do everything possible to improve your own life.
- physically active. This is a fundamental component of external attractiveness, without which it is impossible to feel confident and raise self-esteem.
- a little harsh (but not too much!): such representatives of the opposite sex always attract women, the main thing is to know when to stop, and not to turn into an overly self-confident fool.
- making people smile and laugh. If a person can always make laugh and cheer up, charging with his sparkling positive, he cannot be weak by nature, can he?
- loving, and not in words, but not in deeds, through deeds. Equally important is such a character trait as the willingness to compromise in difficult situations. It is difficult to argue with a person who knows what confidence is, but only such a person is capable of ending an argument to the detriment of self-esteem. Indeed, sometimes peace and love are more important than truth.
- helping. Reaching out and supporting a strong shoulder in difficult times, showing concern is not a way to become confident, but an opportunity to find yourself, which is much more important.
Confidence is not easy: how to deal with obstacles
Raising self-esteem and developing self-confidence is not easy, because, in fact, you need to reincarnate, become a different person, or look at the world differently. The main thing that needs to be won in this case is:- personal fears. Try to sincerely answer the following questions: Do you easily get along with people, especially strangers? In the case of an affirmative nod, phobias are definitely present in you. As soon as you can get rid of the fear of getting to know each other badly, falling out of shame into the abyss of the unknown and making an elementary mistake, you can do anything.
- doubts. These are the so-called "cockroaches" that live in the head along with specific phobias. Stop saying: what if I don't like it? God forbid I look stupid? What if they prefer someone different from me? Self-esteem can only be corrected by yourself, and no one else.
- excuses. There is no need to calm yourself down and “feed breakfast”, live on “if only if only”. Do not blame circumstances and other people, do not try to justify yourself and run away from the initiative. Habitual loneliness is warm and dear, but with it you can never regain or regain lost confidence.
Adjusting your self-esteem is the path to lasting confidence.
According to a number of studies by English psychologists, men's self-esteem is more realistic than women's. But, despite this, even the stronger sex can be insecure, depressed and prone to melancholy. Therefore, it is important for a representative of the stronger sex to learn to draw from failures not experiences and self-flagellation, but useful lessons that are important for the future. This is the most powerful way to boost your self-esteem.
Try to stick to the following rules:
- Don't be afraid of doubts. Any endeavors in life are inseparable without these natural phenomena, which very often do not even have a real foundation. Do not try to eliminate them, just learn to ignore and step over them, continuing to move according to the plan.
- Becoming confident in yourself means not listening to those who doubt you. A person who says that nothing will work out is unlikely to be successful in life himself, or, perhaps, he is simply jealous of your prospects.
- Try to develop an "ideal self" image. In the case of the slightest self-doubt, imagine that you can become ideal, be in a difficult situation a person who can do everything - and you will see the problem in a more benign light. But at the same time, do not try to seem better than you are, and also abstract from excessive perfectionism, because no one is immune from mistakes.
- If you want to increase your self-esteem, do what causes fear. Only you can help you become different.
- Strive to be in good physical shape, or return it if it is lost for some reason. Exercise, keep an eye on your posture, your wardrobe, and a smile on your face towards others. Being benevolent means remaining a charismatic man who stands firm on his feet.
- Work on yourself. Developing your best qualities in yourself is another way to boost your self-esteem.
Regaining Confidence: A Guide to Action.
- Remember all your achievements and victories in life, learn to be proud of the most insignificant of them, "skipping" past mistakes and failures. Realize your greatest strengths and use them as often as possible. Also learn to accept your shortcomings, trying to use them in a way that turns them into a personal highlight.
- Don't compare yourself to others, and don't strive to become someone you are not. Try to develop your own personality, style and personal image.
- Only hang out with confident people and avoid losers.
- Plan your destiny, set goals and achieve them without being shy or shy. It is impossible to regain adequate self-esteem if you speak without clarity and eye-to-eye gaze.
- Remember that life is the best teacher. And all teachers from childhood were taught to obey, learning useful lessons. Do not deny new meetings and acquaintances, attend interviews as a kind of communication courses.
- To develop something within yourself, you do not need to know the right time or "magic pendel". Take action right here and now.
American psychologist Andrew Salter mentions six qualities of self-confident people:
1. Open expression of your feelings and spontaneity in communication.
2. Correspondence between verbal and non-verbal expression of feelings.
3. Belief in oneself, the ability to defend one's own opinions and desires.
4. Willingness to take responsibility and speak on our own behalf, using the pronoun “I” instead of “we”, without trying to hide behind a facade of vague and muddy formulations.
5. Ability to accept compliments and praise, as well as the courage to compliment others.
6. Ability to accept yourself as you are. By condemning and denying any of your traits, you cause yourself discomfort and close yourself off from others.
However, this is the opinion of professional psychologists.And what do women say about this - the most sensitive connoisseurs of male charm?
What kind of confident man is he from the point of view of women?
Being confident in yourself, in the opinion of the fair sex, means:
1. Be bold.
2. Have a firm attitude in life.
3. Be decisive and responsible regardless of the circumstances.
4. To be able to accept a woman for who she is: without detracting from her abilities, intelligence and beauty.
5. Be independent.
6. Be noble externally and internally.
7. Do not be afraid of emotions.
8. Be sociable.
9. Be able to maintain optimism and instill it in your beloved woman.
10. Take care of her and their relationship. A woman always strives for a sense of security, which means that a confident man is the one who can protect her from the whole world. Someone with whom she can feel like a stone wall.
Self-confidence adorns any person, and a man in particular.
What do men think about self-confidence? How to behave in society in order to be accepted and confident?
It is no secret that many people experience a sense of self-doubt that prevents them from living a fulfilling life. Due to insecurity, they are afraid to communicate in an unfamiliar company, afraid to change jobs (although it is high time) because of joining a new team, afraid to get to know each other, and much more. But there is a way out of every situation, and this is no exception. Of course, this feeling won't go away so easily. It takes an effort to get rid of the feeling of insecurity.
There are 10 simple rules to help you get rid of self-doubt from a men's point of view.
1) When leaving the house in the morning, you should look your best. To do this, do not be lazy, get up early and put yourself in order without haste. At lunchtime, look in the mirror to make sure you still look as beautiful as you did in the morning and before bed. This rule will help you not to constantly think about how you look now.
2) You do not need to constantly think about your shortcomings. They are present in everyone. The people around you practically do not see them, and they simply do not notice some of the shortcomings. So the less you think about them, the better you will feel.
3) Know that the people around you are completely oblivious to the things that are so obvious to you. So, for example, when you are in a company, you feel that your face is simply burning, it is "reddened", but in fact it has only turned a little pink. It follows from this that until you yourself attract the attention of others, to what so confuses you, no one will even guess about it.
4) Well, you need to be critical of others. If you constantly think to yourself about the shortcomings of the people who surround you and this has already become a habit, then you should get rid of it as soon as possible. Otherwise, you will start to think that both your appearance and your clothes are also excellent targets for criticism. And that certainly doesn't give confidence.
5) Anyone loves to be listened to. Therefore, in order to please others, you do not have to throw around a lot of meaningless remarks, in which you can simply get confused as a result. You just need to become an attentive listener. They will just start to adore you.
6) Sincerity. You just need to be sincere. If you do not know the name of the item or any dish in question, then admit it. If you are feeling the impression of another person's story, tell him so. But if you remain steadfast, without any signs, it will only alienate people from you.
7) Find someone who is also insecure. It will help both of you. You will stop feeling lonely. Do not be afraid to approach the person you have chosen yourself. You will only benefit from this.
8) You shouldn't get rid of feelings of insecurity with the help of alcohol. This is not an option. If you become relaxed and charming while drunk, then when you are sober, you are even more agreeable to those around you.
9) Don't be shy. Your shyness can turn into aggression. For example, if someone starts talking rudely to you, then don't blame yourself. This could be caused by a feeling of embarrassment, because it is with such measures that some people struggle with this feeling. Never use this method.
10) Know that the worst thing that can happen to you is that you show yourself in a bad light. If this happened, then all the same, the people around you will feel sympathy for you, because they felt superiority over you.
Based on materials from sites: www.mujskoi.ru/psih
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- Why doesn't my husband strive for success?
- And why my not confident enough, I constantly tell him about it, I say, and it's all to no avail.
- When I first met my future husband, he was courageous, strong, set goals and achieved them ... And now what? What has he become? After work, he sits down in front of a "box" or reads newspapers, and does nothing. And it would be fine if he earned normally, as before, but no, as soon as I got him another job, more promising, he immediately changed.
- They tell me that I should be the first to change. But why should I change and he doesn't? Is that just me?
These are the questions that periodically come to our site. What can you say here, I completely agree that both spouses should change. And adjust to each other, and ask for forgiveness, and change your habits, attitudes and preferences. This process is endless and should be reciprocal. But I also know, and 100 percent, or even 200 percent, agree that the first thing is to start changing herself and her habits, and especially generic scenarios, for a woman. You can read about generic scripts and how to reprogram them in the article.
If a woman waits, and sometimes demands changes from a man, but at the same time herself remains the way she is, then all her expectations will collapse about reality. And the reality is that a man begins to change his habits and beliefs only after some time after his wife changes.
If someone disagrees with me, you have a choice to stay in the ranks of the audience, who only do what they shout: “Come on, come on, score a goal. Well, what are you, you should have trained better. Oh you, you can’t do anything ”and so on. 
For those girls and women who strive for happiness, who want to live their lives with a strong, confident and successful man, I will share the secrets of how to help your husband achieve all these wonderful qualities, and you - to become a happy wife of a successful and rich man. But first, I'll tell you a little story.
When I met my husband (at that time my future husband), the first impression he made on me was something like this: "Wow, what a confident and even boorish man, but I like it"... After closer communication, I also liked the fact that he had goals and dreams, and not just dreams, but that he took concrete steps and actions to implement them. We can say that by this he conquered me. After all, you always admire a person who lives not just aimlessly, as they say, “where life has rolled, it has rolled there,” but is trying to make at least something worthwhile out of his life. My husband knew how to set goals and achieve them, was confident, courageous and radiated incredible inner strength.
Okay, I will not delve into memories and reasoning, I will only say that if at first we were happy, then after a few years our family presented a rather deplorable sight. I only did that I was surprised (of course - aloud, and naturally - to my husband) that “Where did that confident, purposeful, successful man, whom I met and with whom 
lived the first two years !? Where is he now? Why has everything changed so much? Why, after he has realized his goals, he no longer strives for anything? Why did you stop there?
Why did you become so insecure and stop dreaming about more? Why did you stop organizing trips to nature and to friends for us, as before? Why doesn't she help me around the house, and I have to do everything myself, even to the point of nailing the curtain myself? Why is he not interested in my life and what is important to me? " And there are many more, just a cart and a small cart of the very "why" with which the young, young and stupid wives of their beautiful husbands bother.
Every month I became more and more disappointed in my husband, and the more I was disappointed, the more I wanted to prove to him how wrong he is, how successful I am, how well I succeed, and how he will regret not being able to keep such a woman !
Thinking in this way, I made more and more demands and claims to my husband, I stopped rejoicing at all in everything that we had at that time. She became more and more withdrawn in herself and in her grievances, more and more often she went on business trips or stayed late at work, making a career in an attempt to prove something, show, punish, etc. I tried to do everything around the house myself, and then told my husband that it’s easier for me to do everything myself than to wait for him, or that in any case I would have to redo it for him, I’d better do everything right at once.
In general, the typical behavior of a typical man is only in female guise. I don’t know what would have happened to our family then, I think that today there would be only sad memories of her. But I thank all the Gods, Creators, the Universe, Life, Energy and other Essence for the fact that then they stopped me, albeit with a very harsh method through resuscitation, and then gave new knowledge, a new look at what I am doing with my life ...
And with this new look, I plunged into the past, and was horrified. I saw not a woman, but a "man in a skirt." What skirt? By that time, in my wardrobe, a business woman only had trousers and business suits, and my hair was close to the length of a man's. In general, the typical image of a business woman, albeit a very successful woman, but striving to play a role alien to her.
As a result, seeing in myself the male behavior, the habits that are characteristic of my mother (she also had a career all her life, constantly inventing something there, and my father, although he also worked quite successfully, but mostly he was engaged in children, cooked, traveled with us to the sanatoriums, and at the same time I have never heard words of gratitude from my mother).
After I saw in myself such behavior and habits, which are more typical of men, I began to develop Femininity in myself. Using the example of other women, film images, and sometimes photographs, she developed female demeanors, a female manner of communicating and thinking, and also learned to act not as a man, but as a woman. Now, unfortunately, I do not remember the name of the film, which made a huge impression on me. In that film, the main character literally "interrogates" the king's servant about what the queen should be like? How should she think? How to proceed? How should I speak and behave? In that movie, a girl claiming to be a bride says to that servant: “We don't even know what we need to be. Nobody taught us how to behave, how to speak, how to think, how to dress and how to walk? Nobody tells us what the king wants to see in his queen? " If someone knows this movie - please write its name in the comments.
First What I began to do was ask questions of my subconscious mind about what kind of woman I need to be in order for my man to become strong, successful and courageous next to me?
Second What I did was leave my beloved alone, i.e. stopped bullying him, showing discontent and criticizing him. Now I don't remember what exactly I praised him for that evening, since many years have passed, but I will never forget his reaction. He was taken aback. Confused. Confused. And I was shocked.
Third. This is a Diary of gratitude. In great detail, for several pages, I wrote about this in the article.
For a while he looked at me and was silent. I repeated again: "You are cool. You were so great at doing this and that. I really like it, thank you for your help ".
The husband came to his senses a little and asked: "What's the matter? You were always unhappy with me, you never praised me before? I AM 
cool? Are you kidding me or is this some kind of joke? "- there was poorly hidden fear and wariness in his voice, because indeed, for several years before that moment I was always unhappy with him.
I replied that this was not a joke, and that I really liked the way he did everything. And then I went up to him, hugged him and said that I was wrong and that I ask him for forgiveness for all my displeasure and anger.
Don't think that everything changed at once, like in beautiful Hollywood films. We have come a long way to restore our relationship, and even to this day I sometimes find myself grumbled at my husband. Immediately I sit down, re-read my notes from the Diary of gratitude to my husband (I will remind you once again about the article "Diary of gratitude, or a happy family and its secrets") or make new entries. I remember how my mother behaved and I understand that I don’t want to be like that. Relationships in our family after such a mini-training begin to please us again. But this is now, and before that it took me several years to get rid of the male habits of behavior, discontent and criticism.
Step by step, I changed myself and my behavior, but at the same time I did not tell my husband that I began to work on parenting programs, did not talk about the fact that I was looking for an answer to the question of what a Real woman should be for her man to be strong, successful and confident.
After several months of such studies, the husband once said:
- You have changed so much, I never thought that we would ever be so happy. Before, I was afraid to return home, I tried to stay longer at work, and I always expected that you would be dissatisfied with something again. And during these few months I have almost forgotten how unhappy we were and that you can be unhappy with something. What have you done? How did you manage to change so much?
Then I told him about working out parenting programs, about how I change my behavior, how I rewrite the image in the subconscious and how I develop feminine manners and habits. She said that she realized that she was striving to play a male role in our family, to prove something to him, to always be right, the first and win. And that now all this has become uninteresting to me, I just want to live, just enjoy what I have, develop my female character traits, my talents, our family, our home, and enjoy the fact that there is a strong and successful man next to me.
I so went into introspection and began to take care of myself and my life that I simply had no time to bully my husband. Of course, I visualized what kind of relationship I want to see in our family, voiced my wishes, but nothing more. And after a few months, my husband began to change, so quickly and on all the issues that had bothered me before, that I was in shock. Now it was my turn to be surprised and ask him questions:
- What happened? Why have you changed so much? Why earlier could you not do something for years, but now you do everything either at once, as I ask you, or without any reminders at all? Where did this confidence come from in you again? And why did you start setting new goals again and doing something to achieve them?
In response, I heard what I least expected to hear:
- You stopped "training" me. Now everything I do you like. You admire, rejoice like a child, thank me. 
You rejoice at even the smallest trifle, some nonsense. Has ceased to be dissatisfied with what we have. So I want to please you even more. Now I myself want to change, so that you feel good with me, and that you are happy with me.
I want to earn more, build a big house for us, travel a lot so that you can be proud of me and admire me, and much more. In general, I want you to be happy with me.
These are the changes that took place and are still taking place in my husband after I changed myself.
Summing up, I can say that I not only worked on parenting programs, I also made changes “on all fronts”: I left the job where I made a good career and discovered many other talents, but more feminine. She completely changed her wardrobe, grew her hair, changed her social circle from lonely and unhappy people to happy in family life. I began to read other literature, watch other films, be interested in other things. And most importantly, to think, behave, speak and act like a Woman.
If earlier, when my husband did not do something, it was a "disaster" and I urgently needed to do everything myself, now I calmly do my business. I can sometimes remind my husband that it would be nice after all to resolve this issue, but at the same time I don't run, I don't grab, I don't control, and I don't pull on myself what a man should pull.
Most surprisingly, the less I remind, control and worry, the fewer things my husband “forgets” or sabotages. Over the years, I have developed something like the following belief in myself: "My husband is an adult and responsible person, and he himself is able to cope with his own affairs and with the affairs of our family, for which he is responsible."
And the more feminine and calm I become, the more masculine, successful and confident my beloved becomes. This is the pattern.
Now let's look at the step-by-step algorithm that will help you articles feminine, and your man - confident and successful, in more detail.
First. If you want to have a strong, confident and successful man, stop playing the role of a man yourself and everything will change over time. If you constantly remind, pull, control, try to do everything for your partner, criticize what and how he is already doing, try to force him to do as you think is right, then why are you surprised that only weak lives near you? semblance of a man? Where can a successful and confident man come from if your family already has one? Although you are moderately successful, you have nevertheless taken on these functions, and it turns out that the man in your family is you.
If you took on the role of man and breadwinner, the role of problem solver and conflict resolution, you have forced the man to become an effeminate being. But since this is unnatural, and a normal man will never want to become a woman, so he sabotages the role that is imposed on him in every possible way by the fact that he either lays all the evenings on the couch, or drinks beer and watches TV, or starts walking and cheating.
Second. Ask yourself and your subconscious mind questions. This is especially important for those women who in childhood did not have an example of a happy relationship between a man and a woman.
Ask yourself what it means to be a woman around whom a man will become strong, confident and successful? What should be a feminine woman? How to behave? How to say? How to respond to certain situations? How to act in a given situation? Etc.
Third. Cut out photographs of couples in which the woman appears to be happy, feminine, wise, and calm. Place them so that you can look at them every day, then close your eyes and imagine the woman you want to become.
Fourth. It was necessary to put this as the first item, but oh well. Work on parenting programs. Many articles have already been written on the Solar Hands website and several chapters in the book about how to work through these programs. "How to make a man get off the couch, or Secrets of Happy Women"... But if very briefly, then describe in detail your behavior and try to find it in common with the behavior of your mother (grandmother). After that, pour out these programs from yourself, forgive yourself for the fact that you did not always behave beautifully and visualize the image that you dream of.
These are, perhaps, the main points, by completing which, you will soon feel how life around you is changing very much, and your man becomes the hero you have always dreamed of, strong, confident and successful.
Best regards, Anastasia Guy.
You really want your man to walk through life with his head held high. He easily solved problems, was not afraid of difficulties, he was always the master of the situation. So that he believes in himself and knows his worth.
Such desires arise in you not at all because you want to remake your chosen one. You just him love very much... After all, it is extremely important for a man to control and direct his own life, and an insecure person is not capable of this. And self-esteem is generally a man's weak point, and we, women, need to take care of it.
You, as a loved one, can do a lot. Since you have a question on how to increase your husband's self-esteem, I assume that he is now having a really difficult period in his life. He experiences and withdraws into himself. You also experience and intuitively feel that can you help... This is indeed the case.
How to Build Confidence in a Man: An Action Plan
Our goal is to develop a man's self-esteem. anew... Here's how you can do it:
- Show that he is needed
Find a situation in which need his help... Hammer in a nail, hang a picture, clean your computer from viruses. It is important to choose what he will definitely succeed, otherwise you can achieve the opposite effect. After completion - to thank and praise in every possible way and sing songs on the topic "what would I do without you."
- Show that he is smart
For instance, consult about choosing a new phone or laptop. Ask how best to get to your destination. In principle, and you are pleased when you are consulted, but this does caress men's self-esteem.
- Show that you are interested in him
That is to say interest and respect for his hobbies... Yes, it is difficult for us women to understand how exciting and difficult business, for example, fishing is. Or soccer. Try to find something of his hobbies that piques your interest, and ... show this interest. See how a man will flourish when he tells you about his favorite business!
- Ask about work
About favorite job... Do you have a hard time imagining what exactly your beloved man is doing at work? And you ask. Maybe at the same time you will learn a lot about the chosen one. Men at work often behave very differently from the way they do at home or with friends. A great way to get to know your loved one on the other side!
- Keep the rear
Home is a place where a man comes to rest, recover, gain strength, confidence and calmness... Then, with renewed vigor, rush into battle again. I'm sure you know perfectly well what to do. I just remind you that in a period when your man is emotionally difficult, the importance of such a "rear" increases significantly.
- Give love
In every possible way... A delicious dinner, a gentle massage, in the main words, a bright night, a touching postcard. Taste. No comment.
Self-confidence lessons - for your men and for you
By the way, how is it with confidence on your own? I ask because the condition of a woman very much affects the emotional state of her man.
For example, Anna, my client, came to me with the question "how to increase my husband's self-esteem." Nothing worked, no matter what she tried. During the consultation process, Anna realized that her own insecurity and reticence "Pulled" a loved one with her... As soon as she herself became calmer, more active and joyful, her husband was transformed.
A great solution to the problem can be. It will be just perfect if you come together. But the likelihood that your man will agree to this is small, right? Dont be upset. Come yourself and immediately kill two birds with one stone - firstly, you will become more confident and calmer, and secondly, you will try and remember the best exercises. And then you will practice at home - with your husband.
Little trick: you don't have to say that you want to help him. Say what it is you need his help! For example, to work out a skill that you just learned at the training - for many exercises pairs are needed ... Remember - show that he is needed?
You will definitely succeed in regaining self-confidence to your man, because you are an attentive, loving and wise woman, real Wings for him... Your chosen one is very lucky that you are next to him!
It is important for every person to feel their importance on this planet. And it doesn't matter for whom, it doesn't matter how exactly, if a person feels that no one needs him, that all his efforts, all his efforts (whatever they may be), pass imperceptibly and are not appreciated by anyone, such a person becomes deeply unhappy, aggression and disappointment appear in people and in life ...
And how many such unhappy and disappointed people we could make even a little bit happier if we began to closely look at our loved ones. And first of all - to your partner. You would ask yourself: "What can I do to make my husband happy?" After all, as often happens that it is he, our beloved and wonderful man, who least of all gets our gratitude, admiration and support.
Here he is trying, doing something, doing something, trying to change himself or our life together, and even if he does not always succeed, even if not from the first time, even if sometimes he quite strongly, in your opinion, “mows” ... But if we skip those moments when he tries and does something, we don’t notice, we don’t support our man and don’t give him confidence in further exploits, we don’t talk about what is important to us, everything that he does is simply vital , it often turns out what it turns out.
And it turns out that a person who lives next to him becomes unhappy due to the fact that we constantly "saw" and criticize him.
It turns out that over the years, wives begin to complain more and more often about their husbands precisely because he, the husband, does nothing, does not strive for anything, and does not want anything. Helping and caring for a woman and family is a separate topic altogether.
But for some reason, the longer I live with my husband, the more we communicate with friends who are happy in family life, the less I believe such statements. Do you know why?
Firstly, because I myself used to think the same way, in the first years of my family life.
And secondly, after I changed myself and changed my attitude towards my husband, my beloved (in my opinion, the most wonderful person, but if you look detached, then an ordinary man, which still walks around our wonderful planet Earth), and so, my a man, exactly the one who, in my opinion, did nothing in the first years, began not only to help me in everything and support me, but also significantly increased the income of our family, took up his own business, plus periodically brings some kalyms outside of business, and also became the most gallant and romantic man (again for me, you can have your own "most gallant, most wonderful and romantic man"), the most caring and attentive husband. And most importantly, he became happy!
So how did this magical, truly miraculous reincarnation of an ordinary man take place, who does not help his wife, and if he does, then with complaints, whining and discontent, at the same time rather unhappy in family life, into a man of the most wonderful, confident, successful, accurate, caring and attentive, romantic and loving and more…. And more ... And most importantly, happy !?
And although it seems that you have already heard about this hundreds of times, and that all this is too simple and easy to actually be true, and besides, it also brought an improvement in family relations, returned love, laughter and happiness to the family, I will say that it really only seems to you that doing this every day is easy and simple.
And you try to live at least a couple of days without criticism and without constantly tugging at your beloved, not grumbling at him, not twitching over some trifles, but really thinking that you have the most wonderful one. And while thinking, what can you do to make your loved one happier with you?
- It's like, without criticism and any reminders? Even though he once again forgot about something? Even in spite of the fact that I had to remind what has been his family responsibility for many years now? Or what….
That's what I wrote about. Wait, stop. Let's try it differently.
At one time, I said to myself “stop” and began to analyze how I communicate with my husband, how I react to what he does, how I behave in those moments when he is mistaken, or vice versa, does something successfully.
As it turned out, I could not boast that I am a wife who supports my husband in everything, notices his efforts and achievements, admires his exploits and generally thinks and tells her beloved how grateful she is to him for being. But from such support and admiration, my husband could feel much happier.
Summing up the above, I tried to imagine, and what I myself would feel if criticism, dissatisfaction and eternal teachings were distributed to any of my actions from my husband? If I didn’t feel that I mean something to him, that the efforts that I make to make our family happier are important and necessary to him? Or I wouldn't hear “Darling, thank you, the dinner was delicious. You cook amazingly! "
Or he would not tell me that he is pleased that at home we feel the presence of a woman, everything is clean and tidy. True, he can not always understand what exactly I am doing, but he likes the way our house looks.
So how would I feel if my husband didn’t tell me this, but only showed with his whole appearance how I did something wrong again? How would I feel if he constantly criticized and grumbled at me just like that, out of habit, in the background? Would I be happy in such an atmosphere?
That's enough, I just imagined how my Kostya finds fault with me over trifles and is always dissatisfied with everything ... so a kind of coldness and loss arose inside me.
- Well, you see, and you say that how can you live without constantly finding fault with your husband and not reminding him of something all day. It took you a few minutes to feel how unpleasant it is. If for several more days you will put yourself in the place of your Kostya, and him in your place, at once you will begin to perceive many things differently. And after a couple of weeks, you will be surprised how your relationship has improved. And you will notice how your husband's eyes will begin to glow with happiness, and he will all be so contented, contented, start walking, and will rush home in the evenings, and not from home.
Did you do that? You are always happy with your husband, you never tell me that he did something wrong there. Does he really never make mistakes and does everything perfectly?
- Well, no, of course not. Although I don't even know. Just from the moment I analyzed my behavior and "walked a couple of miles in my husband's moccasins", i.e. I imagined myself in his place, I began to look at many things differently, some simply not to notice, and others, on the contrary, to notice and emphasize them. I did not think that my husband would become different or something else, at that moment the priority for me was that I wanted him to feel good with me, that he was happy with me and felt that I needed him, very much needed. I realized that in our family he did not feel his importance and saw how unhappy he was.
So I began to notice what he was doing. And not just notice, but thank him for everything. At first, he was just shocked. When I told him that he was cool, I told him what I liked about him, he looked at me like I was some kind of alien. And I could not understand what happened to me, because before I was always unhappy with everything.
And what, everything changed at once?
Of course not. At first, he walked a little tense, as if expecting some kind of trick, that I would hurt him again. It was many years ago, and I can't remember one to one his reaction, but I will never forget that first shock and disbelief that I praised him and thanked him for something, said that he was wonderful and cool.
- And how are you used to seeing the good in your husband and not noticing what you don't like?
Thus, writing down every evening everything for which I am grateful to my husband, I simply did not have time to notice something else. When I sat down for the very first time and wrote down everything that I value in my beloved, I was also shocked by how wonderful he really is.
And when I stopped criticizing him, I began to express openly gratitude, like a heavy stone fell from him. He straightened out all and more and more often began to joke, laugh, began to offer something, and most importantly, I began to see that he was becoming happier every day.
- Is it okay that I will make such recordings?
What's wrong with that? You will concentrate your thoughts on the strengths of your Kostik, focus on what he does, and as one of my acquaintances says, you will stop "enduring the brain" for your man in situations where he is not as successful as you would like. Well, a person cannot be strong in all areas of life, and we, women, sometimes very often expect and demand from our man that he be perfect everywhere. And sometimes we really don't notice the strengths of our loved one. We do not notice how much he does for us.
And yet, do not listen to those who say that this is manipulation and the like. If people have lived happily for several years, they will never tell you that. Such people understand that we all sometimes get tired of each other, just get tired at work and from life situations, and just stop noticing the good in a partner. So what's wrong with the fact that you periodically record some pleasant moments from your life? What is wrong if you concentrate your thoughts on this, and accordingly, thank your loved one more? Isn't it better not to write down what you are grateful for, and only do what to grumble and criticize? Is it better to constantly bother a man with "how he does nothing, and again forgot this and that", etc.?
So don't listen to those who say that focusing on the positive and thanking someone for everything they do is manipulation. After all, when you thank Life, the Universe, God, Energy (who already believes in what), no one tells you that you are trying to manipulate God or Life in this way. So it is here. You are simply grateful to the person, and so that in the bustle and bustle of days you do not forget that you are surrounded by people who are trying, doing something and for whom it is important to hear feedback and feel that they are needed (in this example, a husband, a loved one, a guy) , it is better to make such records.
Yes, I now understand how rarely I thank my Kostik. He tries, does something there, but I “didn't finish it, I turned it on the wrong side, it…”. But what is the paradox, now I am listening to you and I understand how much good he does for us, and I won't even say thank you to him for the evening !! Last night I wanted a bagel, he packed up and went to the store. I also asked him to go to the pharmacy on the way. I bought everything, brought it, and you know what I finally told him? I’m even ashamed now. I asked him why he bought two bagels, I didn’t ask him about it! Can you imagine ?! And this morning I ate that second bagel with such pleasure with tea, and again I didn't say thank you to Kostya. How upset he must have been about this, although he didn’t show it.
Well, you see, it seems like a trifle, but your beloved, I think, was not very pleasant. And while there is no habit of noticing the good and strong in a partner and thanking someone close to you, it is better to take notes and re-read them periodically.
That, in fact, is the whole secret of how my husband magically turned into the most wonderful, strong, caring, successful, and most importantly happy man.
Firstly, I just began to notice in him everything that was already at that moment. I learned to see that he is already trying, already doing, already successful in something. And the less I criticized him and nagged at him, the more I was glad that I already had, the more I admired his achievements at that moment, the more my husband wanted to do something further. And the happier and happier he became. When you don’t jerk a person over every trifle, when you don’t nag him or criticize him, but support and admire him (I’m not saying that you only need to admire, there must be a golden mean in everything), then the person relaxes, he feels that he is not here. They will "hit", they will not hurt him here, he feels calm and happy.
As a result, it turned out that I accepted the person as he is, stopped demanding and expecting some kind of "miracles" from him, and he took and began to develop and improve everything that was good at that time.
Or maybe it just seems to me now, and he always was? But before I did not see it and did not appreciate it, but now I am happy with even the smallest little thing and it seems to me that our life is a stream of pleasant little things. Anything can be. And you try to change your attitude, keep such records, and then share your results with us and our readers. But the most important thing for me after I began to concentrate thoughts on the positive sides of my husband is that he became truly happy. He knows that no matter what he does (I'm not talking about any negative actions), I will not nag him and criticize him. If he does, but not the way I wanted, I will be grateful that he did his best and did something. If he doesn’t have time, I will clarify why I didn’t have time, maybe something happened to the person or he simply didn’t have time. If he brings up a "little universal mess" at the moment when he was preparing a surprise for me, then I obviously will not scold him for it. On the contrary, I will be glad that he remembers what is important to me, and even gave me a surprise!
And the rest ... but how can there be "the rest" when there is happiness and satisfaction of a loved one? Could it be the rest, when you feel how your man is happy with you, how he hurries home in the evenings and tries to make you happy in return? What could be better than this?