If you ask different women what made them choose the path of a housewife and give up career ambitions, each of them will tell a whole story - funny or funny, chaotic or carefully thought out. But all these stories by and large can be subjected to a clear systematization. The reasons why a woman gives up her career and becomes a housewife can be divided into two large groups - when a woman does it of her own free will, and when she is forced by her husband or circumstances. The first group of reasons includes the following reasons:
- Wanting to spend as much time as possible with your children.
- The desire to provide home comfort to his family.
- A woman wants to be creative - write a book, paint ... In this case, the opportunity not to work is just a gift!
- If a woman considers her main purpose to be the mother of the family, the keeper of the hearth, the wife, and career ambitions do not exist for her. The second group includes reasons such as:
- A sickly, weakened child who needs careful care.
- Often the wife, not finding enough inner strength in herself to insist on her own, succumbs to the persuasion of her husband and sentences herself to hard labor at home.
- The woman failed to get an education - having gone to the "academic school" or never entered the university.
- The first pregnancy is immediately followed by the second.
- The habit of postponing everything "for later" worked - when the child goes to kindergarten, then to school. As a result, the woman remained "working" at home.
- If the work of the husband is connected with constant moving from place to place, the wife, following him, simply does not have time to gain a foothold in the new city. But whatever the reasons that make a woman choose the profession of a housewife, their consequences can also be very diverse.
What are the consequences?
The degree of mental comfort of a housewife woman can be different - depending on whether she herself decided to devote herself to her husband and children, or she was forced by circumstances.
Victim of circumstance
Psychologists believe that women who lead an active lifestyle before pregnancy - made a career, communicated with a large number of people, had stable incomes - are the most difficult to endure imprisonment in four walls. These women may even need specialist help in the adjustment process. The main problem of a woman who finds herself in a similar situation is that she is cramped at home. And all efforts should be aimed at expanding the scope of the world in which it found itself enclosed. If you find yourself in a similar situation - do not avoid communication, because lack of communication is one of the most common causes of depression. Use every opportunity to "escape" - various courses, hobby groups ... or even visit friends! Find yourself new friends with whom you share similar interests: approach mothers walking with strollers, talk to them, ask former colleagues to give you someone's phone numbers who you can call and offer to take a walk with the children. And if you leave the baby in the care of grandmothers and break out into a nightclub on the night from Friday to Saturday or from Saturday to Sunday - there is nothing to worry about either. Books, the Internet, constant contact with colleagues and friends can also help you. Might be worth taking a look at the courses. Now there are a lot of them: computer and feng shui, design and ikebana, art history and cooking. Computer courses in general will be useful to you always and everywhere - in particular, at a new job. In addition, try to find pluses in the fact that by the will of circumstances you are now within four walls.
"How good it is to be a housewife!"
What a lucky child!
A housewife mother can normally breastfeed her baby, because one of the main conditions for successful breastfeeding is feeding the baby "on demand". When mom is nearby, the baby grows healthier, calmer and more balanced than under the supervision of numerous nannies and grandmothers - no matter how perfect they are. No one will ever replace a baby's mother! A non-working mother can devote much more time to communicating with a baby than a working mother. In the future, when the baby grows up, the mother will be able to pay much attention to his intellectual, spiritual and physical development.
What a lucky husband!
It is very important for men to have a strong rear - the feeling that the family loves him and expects him to come from work to a warm, heated house. It is quite difficult for a working woman to provide her husband with such thorough care. A rare man will refuse the opportunity to eat a normal, full-fledged dinner every day - and not every family can afford a housekeeper who prepares dinners. In addition, for many men it is very important to know that the child is under the constant supervision of a person close to him - this helps them to work calmly and give all their strength to their careers.
How lucky you are!
You are calm, joyful, taking care of your beloved family and are not separated from the little creature that is dearest to you. You are seriously engaged in raising a child - you read books to him, for a long time and thoughtfully explain why this should not be done if he is to blame for something, you do not break into a cry from fatigue. You have a lot of time - you can cook a complete meal for all family members, take long walks with your baby. And also engage in self-education, visit a fitness club, meet friends - in a word, do whatever you want, within reasonable limits: after all, the only one who dictates the time frame to you is your child. You are not dependent on relatives - and you do not have to beg them to babysit. You can forget about public transport - especially during peak hours. There is a saving of funds for transport, for meals in the office, for various bags, folders, pens, etc., which a working woman cannot do without.
.jpg)
"Oh, this is not an easy job! .."
The loads that lie on the shoulders of a housewife are heavy precisely because of their monotony. Indeed, a person working at an enterprise or in an office sees the fruits of his labor, can be proud of them, and tell others about them. A housewife, on the other hand, can cook an amazingly delicious dinner, but it will disappear in one evening, leaving behind only a mountain of dirty dishes, not to mention washing, ironing, cleaning, and - most importantly - caring for a baby. Monotony is the worst enemy of a woman who takes care of the house. It is also possible that you will hear something like this from family members more than once: "What do you care, you are sitting at home!" or "And you generally got a good job!". Sometimes it can be difficult to get understanding from the people closest to you. To avoid these accusations, often involve your family in helping you with the housework: let them see that your life is also not sugar.
A little about the most important
In order to work as a housewife and experience psychological comfort at the same time, you need a little: the confidence that you have chosen the right path, and you have chosen not under pressure, but yourself. In this case, possible difficulties recede before the situation of free choice. The following can deprive you of inner comfort:
- Thoughts about dependence on her husband - moral and material.
- Neglect of household members to your work.
- "Career" girlfriends - free, independent, always well dressed, with whom you can talk about everything in the world, except what you cooked for dinner tonight or what a mess your baby made today.
- If a working girlfriend’s child spoke earlier than yours, went earlier or shone with some other talents, you may begin to suffer from an inferiority complex: how is it that you only take care of the family and the baby, and the friend entrusted her child to the nanny, she works for sixteen hours a day ... and here you are!
The most serious thing on this list is dependence on her husband. Indeed, life is now quite unstable, and if something happens and the husband loses his job ... Of course, anything can happen, but why think about troubles until they happen and, quite possibly, will not happen? Unfortunately, there are such men who can state in plain text: "Where are you going to get away from me? Who needs you with children?" In this case, we are actually talking about domestic psychological violence, and only a qualified psychologist can help you. In no case do not let your husband solve your psychological problems by humiliating and intimidating you! Friends deserve a separate discussion. Unfortunately, it often happens that single businesswomen come to visit a married friend in order to receive a permanent "vaccination against marriage." Do not let us assert ourselves at the expense of you in this way - communicate only with those who are sincerely disposed towards you. As for children, everything happens in due time. You are not in competition. It doesn't matter who comes to the finish line first - it is important that your baby is happy and everything is fine with him.
What if your husband wants you to work?
If your only dream is to stay at home and raise children, try to convince your husband that this is the best option for you and your family. Arguments your husband can put forward the following:
- We don't have enough money. The only truly serious argument. In this case, it is better not to insist and postpone the decision of the issue until better times.
- I will be bored with my housewife wife. Of course, if you watch TV shows all day long, you will not only be with your husband, you will become bored with yourself! And here are books, good music, museums, exhibitions... And perhaps an institute that has been completed as an external student! In this case, the husband will be able to be truly proud of you.
- Sitting at home, you degrade: you will watch TV shows and read only women's novels. What can be said here? If before that you followed your general development, then why should you degrade right now?
- The baby will be better looked after if he is looked after by a professional nanny, and you are not a professional. Not a single nanny can replace a mother for a baby - no matter how wonderful she is! Although nothing can stop you from studying literature for parents on raising and caring for a child.
- You should live a full life, and grandmothers will take care of the baby. After all, this is YOUR child and you YOURSELF want to raise him according to YOUR ideas. And in what way can a woman most naturally and fully reveal herself, if not in the role of a mother? Why, if you are happy, fiddling with this helpless lump, should you "yield" this happiness to others?
In any case, remember that the fact that you are a housewife does not mean that life is passing you by. You create your own life and there is nothing wrong with the fact that you have chosen the most beautiful profession in the world - the profession of a mother and a homemaker.
“He sits within four walls, his head is not washed, in a dressing gown and slippers, he has grown fat, there are only pots and pans in his head!” Creepy description, right? And who is it? Housewife. What does a housewife do by general definition - a woman who does not go to work, sits at home and does nothing. After all, other women have time to work, run a house, go to classes, and visit guests. So the one who sits at home is just a lazy person. We want to prove to you that you can look at everything from the other side, and that being a housewife is not a shame.
Myth #1: “Housewives are sloppy”
As a rule, it is the housewife who has more time to take care of herself than her working companions. Both for and for trips to the beautician and for shopping. Another thing is that we are not bourgeois in the bulk and not a working woman - this is a minus salary in the family budget, which means that she does not always have a lot of money for all these joys.
Myth #2 “Housewives have a limited outlook”
Now almost everyone has access to any information via the Internet. If earlier a woman about to give birth could only listen to her “colleagues”, now she goes to medical websites, reads literature and can even ask an online specialist a question. By the time of delivery, she has such complete information on the issue that she herself can give full consultations.
Myth #3 “Because they become housewives because of laziness or lack of education”
A housewife is a woman for whom her home and family come first. And for their sake, she sacrifices the opportunity to realize herself somehow in the outside world. Being a housewife is not something to be ashamed of – it is a choice that is just as respected as any other career choice. You can be an idler and a gray personality with equal success both at home and sitting in an office.
Myth #4 “A housewife sits on her husband’s neck and is dependent on him”
This is generally a strange point of view. A wife and husband are a family, a unit of society. They are equally dependent on each other. During a divorce, if a woman did not work, but ran a household, she has the full right to half of the property acquired by her husband in marriage with her. She also has the right to maintenance, alimony, - which he will pay her.
Being a housewife is not a shame - it's the same job as any other. Do not forget the Soviet slogan: "Any work is honorable!". Making a living honestly is nothing to be ashamed of. A housewife creates comfort, conditions for her husband's quiet work, she can pay more attention to children. Husbands very rarely leave families where a woman does not work. And children in such a family, as a rule, are very developed and successfully learn.
Don't you think that for a woman who has decided to be a housewife, there is no greater praise than the love of her husband and the success of her children?
What profession can a woman choose who, for various reasons, cannot or does not want to find a job in the traditional way. Thanks to the Internet, every woman can choose an occupation to her liking. The most common job options.
Some are sure that housewives are happy women leading an idle lifestyle. Yes, indeed, sometimes there are ladies who are not burdened with everyday problems, but there are very few of them. The rest of the housewives are hard workers, whose daily feat goes unnoticed. Housewives become by vocation or by force.
The former enjoy household chores, they get tired, but cannot fall asleep, knowing that there is an unwashed saucer left in the sink, they wake up at dawn and prepare breakfast for the household. Housewives under compulsion are women who have sacrificed their own careers for the good of the family, and are experiencing a breakdown on this occasion - their temperament and abilities do not find an outlet in housework, they suffer from unfulfillment and dream of a different life.
If you belong to the second type, do not despair - you may well combine the role of a housewife with professional growth. You may not become a business woman, but you will get rid of the torment about the monotony of life and one-sided development. In addition, you can earn money, and this increases self-esteem. Finding work that you can do while staying at home is not that difficult. Thanks to the Internet, every woman can choose an occupation for her liking. We offer you the most common options for work.
Remote work options
1. Copywriters, writers, bloggers
Perhaps you had ideas about writing children's books, women's novels, detective stories? This definitely requires talent, and if you feel it in yourself, get down to business. Do you know that JK Rowling started writing the Harry Potter story as a housewife? You may not create a bestseller, but you will definitely be passionate about the process of creating your brainchild. Even if you come up with just a few cute children's fairy tales, your child will become the first grateful admirer of the mother's talent as a storyteller.
A lightweight but profitable option -. If you know how to write correctly and express your thoughts coherently, register on one of the copywriting exchanges. You can work according to your mood and earn some money for pleasant things. Over time, when you delve into the secrets of the profession and become the "wolf" of copywriting, the fees will be more significant. In any case, this job will force you to seek new information and constantly develop.
2. Network Marketing
You can choose between regular marketing and Internet marketing. This type of trade is expanding every day, more and more companies prefer to sell their goods, bypassing retail outlets. Through network marketing, you can buy almost everything: from Snickers to diamonds. This business has the same number of fans and opponents, but marketing exists and people in it continue to work and earn. Competing companies offer more and more favorable conditions for cooperation: if once, in order to join the structure, it was almost always necessary to make a contribution or buy goods, now you will not meet such requirements anymore.
You just need to sell goods and get paid for it. There are only two marketing schemes: pyramid and puff. Pyramids are familiar to us - each seller brings several new members to the network, everyone pays everyone as long as the product is in demand and the flow of "recruits" does not stop. In layered structures, distributors and managers do not mix, this is how, for example, Oriflame and Avon work. The layered structure seems more promising because you can grow from a sales consultant to a manager.
For you need a punchy and active character and the ability to market. Housewives usually succeed in the sale of cosmetics, dietary supplements, detergents.
3. Online shopping
Why not try to organize your own small online store. Of course, you will be just an intermediary between the seller or manufacturers and the buyer, but this is not important. Choose a niche that interests you, such as selling handmade items that are so popular right now, or haberdashery. With a creative approach and a fairly active promotion, this small business can bring good earnings.
4. Monetize your hobby
What do you like to do in your free time? Maybe you relax by beading or doing crafts? Very good - hand-made is very popular. Find an appropriate group on the Internet, create your own website or post free ads. Customers will definitely be found if your products are original and of high quality.
5. Firm at home
Why don't you continue to practice your profession at home, if possible? Manicurists, hairdressers, massage therapists may well provide services at home. Remote work is often offered to accountants, journalists, designers, lawyers, etc. In all cases when the quality performance of the task is important for the manager, and not the personal presence of the employee, you can count on the workplace. You are unlikely to be able to climb high up the corporate ladder, but you will be busy with a well-known business, and this will allow you to feel confident.
Belarusian anomaly
Unexpectedly, Belarus adopted a decree with the interesting title "On the Prevention of Social Dependency." The same law, or, more simply, they want to revive in Russia. Now idlers who work less than six months a year will pay the tax. There are no housewives on the list of legally unemployed. That is, a woman engaged in housekeeping does not owe anything to the state if she has a preschool child or three minor children. Not all housewives were sympathetic to such an initiative of the state, and refuse to consider themselves parasites.
In Belarus, a number of works are allowed to be performed without registration of individual entrepreneurship. Such activities are subject to a flat tax, and since a non-parasite has to work six months a year, it is more profitable for women to pay this tax than to file for "idleness."
Now housewives go to work for their husbands as housekeepers, cleaners, cooks or tutors for their own children. It is said that there have already been cases when wives were listed as the family car washer or domestic cat trainers.
It turns out that not everything is so simple. Housewife is a profession that requires skills, knowledge and experience, just like any other profession. And those who do not go to work, watch TV shows all day, go shopping and have fun, do not belong to the category of housewives.
Like any job, housekeeping requires a certain regime. Getting up before all family members, preparing breakfast for children and spouse, gathering of all family members - this is how the working day of a housewife begins. Then a shopping trip - buying everything you need. And at home, washing, ironing, dusting, washing dishes, washing floors, watering flowers, preparing lunch and dinner are already waiting. In short, everything you need to create comfort, order, cleanliness in the house.
Of course, a housewife is more free compared to a woman working in an office. No one controls her, she herself can plan her day, but the load is no less. At the same time, no one pays a salary, and there are no days off. Why is it so often the profession of a housewife causes a condescending attitude? Let's compare the work of a housewife point by point with a traditional job.
Schedule.
This is the main difference from normal operation. The housewife also has a regime, more flexible, but, nevertheless, this is an orderly activity “by the hour”. Only the duration of a typical working day for a housewife significantly exceeds 8 hours.
Intelligent Loads. Not a single man is able to solve the problems of the family budget so masterfully and quickly and distribute it in such a way that he can both eat deliciously and fly south to rest without any problems, as a housewife does. In addition, the growing child, with whom it is necessary to deal, provides the mother with regular mental training.
Physical exercise.
The profession of a housewife involves daily trips to the store, cleaning around the house is a real aerobics complex, and carrying a child in her arms?! No office worker has to move as much as a housewife.
Responsibility. Of course, the financial support of the family lies precisely on the shoulders of the working members of the family. The responsibility for the house, which lies on the shoulders of the housewife, is no less. If suddenly she does not cook dinner, everyone will remain hungry. If things are not washed, there will be nothing to wear.
Salary.
The remuneration of a housewife is expressed in relation to family members - attention, tenderness, help.
Weekend.
A working person considers himself fully entitled to lie on the couch for both legal weekends, because he was so tired during the week. And the duties of housewives remain in full.
You see, the work of a housewife in all respects is not inferior to "normal" work. All she needs is understanding and respect. And, most importantly, pay attention to the "little things" - after all, every dinner, lunch, washed and ironed shirt - all this is done for you. Women love with their ears - compliment them more often!
What makes up family life? Any woman, without hesitation, but at the same time sighing heavily, will answer - from duties. To list everything - not enough fingers. Cleaning the apartment, cooking, laundry, childcare, caring for elderly parents. In addition to these basic ones, there are less burdensome, not everyday, but also requiring a lot of time and effort - monthly payment of bills for an apartment, gas, electricity and telephone, birthdays of family and relatives, family events on various calendar holidays. In addition, from time to time, completely unforeseen plots arise:
the washing machine broke down, the neighbors flooded, or, conversely, the neighbors flooded you, the child did something at school and they call their parents, etc. You can continue this list indefinitely, remembering something of your own, special. So who in the family bears all this exorbitant burden of daily affairs? Of course, a woman.
Our women have always worked. Even in Soviet times, for which many still sigh nostalgically, housewives could be counted on the fingers. We have always been very proud that the Russian woman is the most emancipated - in the sense of the right to any profession and the right to work. This fact was considered one of the main achievements of our advanced society.
Only from time to time they complained that as a result of such "freedom" the load on a woman became double. After all, by giving her the right to earn money, no one freed the woman from the “right” to do housework. And there is no doubt that housekeeping and raising children is exactly work.
A housewife I knew was constantly indignant that her husband did not consider her chores around the house to be work. She specially obtained somewhere and gave her husband the tariffs for the Zarya services: how much does laundry, floor polishing, cooking, window washing, babysitting, etc. cost. This did not have the desired effect on the husband, or he pretended that it did not. It can be understood. Any man from childhood is used to the fact that everything appears as if by itself, without any effort on his part: comfort and coziness at home, breakfasts, lunches, dinners, a clean shirt.
He was always served by women - mother, grandmother. Why should things be different now that he has his own family? Not to mention the fact that the existing order of things suits a man more than. He was taught from childhood that he was a breadwinner, the support of the family in the sense of money, and duty is the diocese of a woman.
Our life today has become difficult and expensive, and many women are simply forced to look for opportunities to earn money. Families where the husband earns very decently and the wife can devote herself entirely to raising children and the house are still few.
A woman, as before, must work. The most capable and purposeful of them even manage to reach career and professional heights. It is far from uncommon for a wife to earn significantly more than her dearest husband and actually support the family. In the light of all this, an unfair, at least strange, situation is emerging: at work, a woman is an energetic leader, a generator of ideas, a creative person, a high-class professional.
She works with full dedication of mental and physical strength, often without a regular working day, days off and bulletins in case of illness. And in the time left from work, she is also a housewife, obliged to wash and iron her husband's shirts, feed him, protect his peace of mind, provide him with comfort, take care of children. As a result, everything is on the nerves, physical fatigue, depression, conflicts in the family.
Housewives are also different.
Is it possible and necessary to change the "separation of duties" that already exists today in the family? The question is not easy and, oddly enough, there is no single answer to it. There are families, and there are many of them, where this state of affairs suits not only the husband, but also the wife.
Yes, of course, it is hard for her, she is very tired, but at the same time she does not want to give up a single millimeter of the territory of her power at home. She was and wants to remain a sovereign mistress, albeit within her small apartment. This type of women, moreover, are in full confidence that a man is not capable of anything, at least at home. He can't even be trusted to take out the trash, let alone cook scrambled eggs or bathe a baby before bed. In extreme cases, he can change a burnt out light bulb, hang curtains or nail a shelf.
There are wives, and there are also many of them, who agree that such a situation when they have to do literally everything is unfair, but it's easier. Firstly, not every husband will agree to do something around the house - he must either be persuaded or seek his scandal. Secondly, even if he agrees, each time you need to come up with what you can actually trust him, after that - check how he coped with it, etc. In a word - just an extra hassle.
It's worth a try!
And yet, despite the fact that the division of household duties at first will require some effort on both sides, it is worth thinking about and trying. Because there are many positives. First, in families where spouses share the care of children and household chores, there is a healthy sense of "one team".
You will communicate more with each other and, perhaps, if there has been no mutual understanding between you for a long time, it will appear again. After all, often the constant reproaches and complaints of women that her husband does not feel sorry for her, does not participate in family affairs - this is an external manifestation of a relationship crisis. By doing everything together, you will not exist in parallel, but really as one. Sexologists dealing with the problems of married couples believe that the equal involvement of spouses in family care and childcare significantly improves intimate life.
Thirdly, a family where everything is done together is a good object lesson for your children. They see every day, using the example of the two closest people, that between a man and a woman there can be not only complete mutual understanding and healthy cooperation, but also mutual support, that there is no purely female or purely male work. And the last positive result of the division of responsibilities - there will be more free time for yourself and for your children and husband.
As you can see, there are still many advantages in such a redistribution of responsibilities in the family. Maybe worth a try?
A few tips on how best to do this:
- Sit down with your husband and draw a list of current household chores on a piece of paper, for starters, you can for one day. Decide exactly who will do what. Think about what you have to do during the month (paying bills, repairing household appliances, taking your child to school, to extracurricular activities). Which of these can you and that your husband.
Do not criticize your husband if, from your point of view, he did something wrong. Men often complain that their wives are almost always dissatisfied with the results of their household chores. In addition, the more you praise your husband, the more willingly he will take something upon himself.
Connect to household chores and children. Moreover, it is not necessary that the boys only fix something, and the girls cook and wash. Let the children get used to the fact that there are no purely feminine or purely masculine responsibilities in the family. - In about a month, you will be able to understand whether it is really easier for you or, on the contrary, worse than it was. In the end, it's never too late to get things back on track.